Thoughts on Community College

My mom says I’m not allowed to come home and complain about how stupid people in my classes are, so I have to do it here. Sawwwrry.

Today is one of those days where I first have to schlep 40 minutes to my local state college for Microbiology lecture which Mr. Robot man, and then book it over to my local community college for Chem Lab. First of all, let me just say that I like state college better. It is less dumb. This Microbiology class will probably be the death of me, but that hasn’t set in yet. I somehow wiggled my way in without technically having Gen Bio 1 and 2 (because I took two semesters of “arts majors” bio during college round 1, which no one will count as Gen Bio even though it was 60 times harder than the one I’m taking now) and also- everyone else in this Micro class has already taken Anatomy & Physiology 1 and 2. I am currently taking Anatomy & Physiology 1 because I am a badass and I will do what I want.

Anwyway, my professor talks like a robot (really, more like a robot than Siri), and has absolutely no capacity for teaching. He just reads off these powerpoints and stabs at the board with his terrible handwriting to write down words that are eventually spelled wrong. Even his powerpoints are full of typos, it is infuriating. I think he’s an MD but I don’t know for sure, but I do know that today he was talking about the one case of tetnus he ever saw so I think probably, yes. (My other profs are Chiropractors).

Speaking of tetnus, this is what I learned:
a) Never have a baby in a field because it will get tetnus from animal feces via the umbilicus.
b) Never use tainted heroin because you will also get tetnus.
c) If you get tetnus you will be in the hospital for a year.
d) One time my sister got bit by her hamster (her finger swelled) and she went searching through the ghetto for a clinic where she could get a tetnus shot. I’m pretty sure you don’t get tetnus via animal bites. Sorry, Jill.

Moving on. So! Community college. These are my thoughts:

1) I’m walking into class from the parking lot and this beautiful shiny black Mercedes drives past me. I conclude that the only way the young man in the front seat can afford that car whilst attending community college is probably from selling drugs. Am I right? I bet no one thinks I’m a drug dealer when they see me in my little new toyota hybrid.

2) Whoever designed this freakin’ college definitely did not go to college because it has the dumbest layout ever. There are no direct paths from the parking lot into the buildings, you have to walk around the buildings. Also, there are little covered ramps/bridges that connect the buildings. It makes you feel like a hamster.

3) The periodic table of elements in my Chem lecture class is from 1987.  I just want to let you know that 3 elements have been discovered since 1987.

4) This one girl in my Chem lab has the worst short bleach blonde wig ever, with blue lipstick and two barbells coming out of her cheeks like dimples. Whenever I see her I want to run over and say “HOLD ON ISN’T THIS A SAFETY HAZARD?” I feel like if she gets too close to a flame her piercings will heat up and scald her cheeks. Contact lenses are a safety hazard in the lab, so I have to be at least kind of onto something here.

5) My lab partner is my sister’s age, so she’s four years younger than me. I want to tell her how bad the world sucks, but that would be mean of me. Also- she thinks I’m dumb, which is cute, and I’ll let her have it because it means she will do the work, and by 8pm at night I’m tired and I don’t care anymore. On top of that, we only have to fill out little answer sheets as labs, which is ridiculous. Even in middle school I had to write up legit lab reports.

6) At community college they give you homework, like for every class. It’s so ridiculous. At least for my Stats class over the winter break she never checked the homework, so I never actually did it. However, my profs now make us hand in the homework, like I’m in second grade. And the worst part is that the questions are multiple choice from the textbook. As if that would make me learn anything anyway? It’s insulting.

7) Despite the fact that Chem lab at a community college should be easy, tonight was not that easy and I am an idiot. I burned my hand twice on glass because I kept reaching to touch it like a 5 year old, and then my little partner kept reminding me not to touch it. On top of that, we broke at least 8 piece of glass trying to bend it. I have new appreciation for glass blowers.

Aside from that, state and community college labs are nice because for the most part, the profs don’t care if you’re actually learning, and let you go early. Yesterday I spent literally 40 minutes in my Micro lab before my prof said we could go, whereas at private college my profs kept us for all three hours every single time. It was essentially torture.

8) I got my ID photo taken today because I needed an ID for the library and it is officially worse than my license photo (which a cop thought wasn’t even me). I look like I have some kind of genetic syndrome that affects my face and flattens it on one side, whereas the other side is incredibly puffy. I am a BEAUTY.

9) Unrelated to college but McDonalds has new Chicken McBites and they are INCREDIBLE. They’re much less gross than McNuggets and you don’t feel scared or like you’re going to glow in the dark when you bite into them. They’re like popcorn chicken. Delicious. I like how in the photo right there the McBites are cascading through the air like magic, just hovering above the box like Aladdin on his magic carpet.

10) Oh, this one might get me in trouble, but hold on. Tuesday I had to go to the bookstore, and therefore had to find the complete other side of campus, which meant it took me 45 minutes to find somewhere to park. I didn’t even realize how big this community college was. And there are like little identical deserted houses on that side, it is very creepy. It reminds me half of the south and half of the ghetto. Anyway, while I was over there I had to fight with about 100 public buses, so it really surprised me that there were no less than 5000 cars in the parking lot. I had never seen so many cars in my life, it looked like the Sea World parking lot. And still, I can not understand where all those cars came from because everyone was standing at the bus stop! What the hell people? You’re going to community college? How can you afford a car? I got a bachelors and still can’t even afford a car! (Ok, well I can but that money is going to college round 2.)  Drugs. Drug dealers. All of them. At least the drug dealers are getting educated, I guess.